Saturday 19 September
8.45am Lisa has just brought me a cup of coffee and I have woken this morning with a few things already clear in my head. I don’t think they are linked to anything subconsciously that I may have been dreaming about. But they are worthy of me writing down.
First, the Humming Chorus from Puccini’s Madame Butterfly is playing out of the hifi in the back-room of my brain. Beautiful if a bit random. It is providing a gentle distraction behind the other things that are popping about in there. It is there, I am sure, to provide an emotional backdrop of calm and reason. This morning, I have realised that it is definitely the uncertainty and threat from Coronavirus that is producing my uncharacteristic anxiety and stress. At work though, not in my own life.
Our job (teaching and education is a real band of brothers occupation – for me it is always a collective experience) is hard work. People repeat the clichés of the ‘long holidays’ and the ‘lefty-moaners’ and let them. This work is hard. But I love it and wouldn’t want to do anything else (well maybe one or two). That’s a throw away remark but I love that I work with (mostly) like minds and with kids who come with energy and a slant on the world that only youth allows. But it also comes with its challenges; some practical, many emotional. It’s hard enough when there is no global pandemic, but add that and the pressure and workload more than doubles. Safety and risk are what we are constantly talking about. How much can we loosen the reigns? What if that test is positive? What is our Plan B? If/when we are locked down again how will we maintain teaching and learning? How will we be able to keep our pupils safeguarded? The list of questions and challenges goes on and on and on. And none of them are small.
So, I am gaining clarity this morning. As I lay in bed, the pigeons gently coo-coo outside the bedroom window. Gentle bubbling sounds from Goldfinches followed by a blast from another Robin. Even their sounds have a more relaxed weekend vibe. I am clear that my stresses of my work and my week lead me to see the world around me through a more negative filter. Sounds obvious to me now, but not so when I’m in the middle of it. So, pre-armed is prewarned and all that, I must take this clarity with me into next week.
4.30pm It has been a beautiful day. We went to the beach for a couple of hours. Took some milk to be able to make a cup of tea and gave Mabel some time to run on the sand. The wind was whipping up the incoming tide to create some pretty wild waves. A cup of tea, a couple of digestive biscuits and a good book. It doesn’t get much better.
The garden is so much quieter. The trees are losing their leaves and despite the fresh breeze, there is notably less noise as the wind blows through the branches.
The Bald Birder 