Friday 22 January
Good day, bad day, good, bad…and today was a good day. I have been wondering if this up and down feeling is normal, whether others feel like this or if it’s for a more exclusive group. I suspect the former. I am hoping (probably not the right word) that most people fluctuate in their mood, and I am thinking that this is probably a good state. There will be many, I am sure, that are currently in a constant low state. I don’t imagine many are enjoying life much at the moment.
So, I have really latched on to the high that I have had this week when I have left work that little bit earlier than usual. Today, it was a beautiful clear sky, and Lisa and I both got home just after 4.15pm. Work shoes off, wellies on. Lead on the dog and we got a walk around the orchard in before dark. Big, deep, cold breaths of fresh air and a walk before the sun sloped off.
Eight years ago today, the ground was covered in a thick blanket of snow. There is a chance that we could have some of the white stuff this weekend too. But today was beautiful and tomorrow should be fine too.
So, really had that ‘Friday feeling’ this evening. And looking forward to the weekend of walks and weather. It’s hard not to feel that we are in our own version of Groundhog Day, perpetually repeating the same routines, week in week out. Shaking the bottle and surviving what the week throws at me, then unscrewing the cap to release the pressure every weekend.
With the news of so much despair and dread, I just need to reflect on what I have, and be grateful. Mum has Covid19 but is seemingly asymptomatic. Dad’s cancer is being managed, by him, and he is eating well. The kids are still holding it together remarkably well, despite signs of frustration showing. And Lisa is a brick, keeping positive and sensing when I am struggling, whilst leading her own school. And Mabel? Well, I don’t know how much harder this would have been without her.
It’s not a time to wallow in the persistence of the bad news. Be angry, frustrated, exhausted, yes, but always move on each time. This is a phase, and it will pass. And I have so much to be happy about.
The Bald Birder 